Deep In You (The Phoenix Series Book 1) Read online

  I had gone home and spent the rest of the day, well into the evening, working out and going through my routines. Sam had come over to spot me and offer his insights… and well-intentioned harassment. Sam had grilled me about Lily, displeased at my level of distraction, and had relentlessly questioned me while I was trying to stop myself from dwelling on her. Finally, physically and mentally exhausted, I had eaten dinner and gone to bed.

  I could show up at Celebrities and Sinners and surprise her with flowers. Make a real production of it, help her show her ex what he’d lost. But was that really a good idea? I mean, I didn’t really want him realizing what he had done. What if he changed his mind and she took him back? What if she didn’t ever want to see me again, anyway? But… what if this was what she needed? I could save her pride and maybe keep her from quitting. Perhaps she’d appreciate the effort.

  Who was I kidding? I really just wanted to see her again. Fuck this. What had gotten into me? I didn’t chase women, they chased me. I stopped and stared at myself in the mirror. When the hell had I shaved and gotten dressed to go? I’d even rewrapped my ankle. I scowled and spoke to my reflection. “You, my friend, are one fucked-up, confused asshole.”

  Forty-five minutes later, I pulled into the parking lot outside of Celebrities and Sinners, two dozen colorful roses artfully arranged in a vase on the floor of the passenger side. I still hadn’t made up my mind over whether this was really a good idea or not, but I was here.

  What was the worst that could happen?

  She could get pissed and never want to see me again, I supposed, but isn’t that where our strange relationship was heading anyway? She’d never go for my rigorous “work” schedule. It’s easy to get caught up in the excitement but get bored when one sees how much time and preparation goes into professional gymnastics. Besides, that would always be my first love. She’d never settle, and why should she? That didn’t mean I couldn’t do some good for her here.

  I walked through the front doors as if I owned the place. A quick glance at the directory on the wall told me that her office was on the third floor, so I hit the call button for the nearby elevator. A blonde woman stepped in after me, and the doors closed behind her. She made no move to hit the button for another floor. I could feel her eyes locked on me as the elevator lifted skyward.

  “I’m curious what horrible crime you committed.” Her voice was raspy and throaty, almost a purr, probably from smoking.

  “What?”

  “The flowers,” she elaborated with a chuckle. “Must have been a doozy to warrant so many.”

  “Not this time.” I smiled politely. The elevator chimed, and the doors slid open. I held out my arm to prevent them from closing as she passed.

  The entry to CaS resembled the waiting room of a doctor’s office. Sterile, clinical. Not what you’d expect from a rag. I’d imagined there would be blown-up pictures and articles all over the walls, but they were barren and dull. Blondie headed toward a door to the right, while I approached the open sliding glass window. A woman with ebony skin and tight braids smiled at me from behind her desk.

  “I’m here to see Ms. Lily Campbell.”

  Blondie jerked to a stop halfway through the door and stopped to gawk at me. When she noticed my annoyed glare, she quickly turned away and continued through the door.

  “I’ll let her know you’re here, Mister…?”

  “Phoenix. Alexander Phoenix.”

  Her eyebrows shot up. “Of course, Mr. Phoenix.” She picked up a phone and closed the glass window. A few moments later the door swung open, and Lily stood gawking at me from the other side.

  “What are you doing here?”

  “I came to see you, of course. What else would I be doing here? And look, I brought you flowers.”

  She dropped her gaze to look at them and pursed her red lips. An unnamed emotion passed over her face. Was she annoyed? Was she trying not to smile? I wasn’t sure.

  “Why?”

  “Because I wanted to, Lily. Because I can. Are you going to show me around or just continue glaring at me?” She glanced back through the door, and I took her moment of indecision as an opportunity to close the distance between us. Three long strides brought me to within a few inches of her, and I reached out to tip her chin back toward me. “Come on, Lily,” I murmured, “let me in.”

  Lily’s eyes darkened and her breath came fast. I had her right where I wanted her. No matter what she tried to say now, her subconscious reactions screamed her desire to me. Giving in, she slowly stepped aside to allow me to pass. I took her hand and squeezed it. Looking around, I realized I’d stepped into a strange realm of cubicles. A nine-to-fiver’s hell. Real offices lined the walls, but small spaces separated only by low, glass walls filled the center.

  “There’s really not much to see here,” Lily said. “The editors, photographers, and other VIPs are in the outer offices. The journalists are in the center. Through those doors on the other side are break rooms, storage closets, and copy rooms.”

  I hesitated. Something about her tone sounded off. She spoke to me the way a stranger would, not like someone being visited at work by their prospective boyfriend. “Show me your desk.”

  Lily tried to pull away, but I tightened my grip on her hand. After a moment, she gave in and led me to her desk. I set the vase in the center of her workspace and smiled down at her, skimming my thumb over her knuckles. “Do you like them?”

  She stared at them like she was just seeing them for the first time. “They’re beautiful, Xander, but what are you really doing here?”

  I traced her lower lip with my thumb and smiled. “I missed you.”

  Oh, shit. I actually did miss her, I think. I know I said that to her during poker, but… shit. I think it might be true. What the hell is wrong with me?

  She smiled, and I pulled her into my arms, ignoring the curious stares from her coworkers. Without moving, I searched the room for someone that could be Michael, her ex. Blondie stared at me from a few desks away, looking like someone had stolen her cigarettes. Briefly, I wondered if this was the infamous Allison.

  Lily stiffened and pulled away.

  “What?”

  “You’re embarrassing me,” she hissed. “Look around. Everyone is watching us. Why are you here?”

  Not the reaction I’d expected. Well, I suppose I’d always known it was a possibility, but I’d hoped she would have been happy to see me. I’d come so everyone would stare. How could she not realize that? Or that I’d done it for her?

  “I–”

  “Xander, this is a tabloid. You couldn’t have nosier people all gathered in one place. Why are you here?” she demanded, her voice a cold whisper.

  Time to explain. “I’m here to help y–”

  “Oh my God, Xander, you’re here!” Amara shrieked as she bounded over like a puppy—an annoying puppy. “It’s so awesome you’ve agreed to let her write your story.”

  “Story?” I frowned at Amara, who stood in front of us gripping a folder, then at Lily. Amara’s expression was one of happy curiosity. Lily looked mortified. “What story?”

  “The story about the two of you, of course. Of this weekend. What story did you think I meant?”

  “Xander…” Lily’s voice was strained, her eyes pleading with me. She shook her head almost imperceptibly. Fuck this shit. Lily had guilt written all over her face. I should have known. The signs had been there, but I hadn’t wanted to see them. Damn her.

  Amara handed me the folder, and an old newspaper article fell out. There were two pictures on it. The first was my sister’s smiling face, a picture she’d had taken her senior year in preparation of high school graduation. She was smiling, healthy, beautiful. That picture was the closest she’d get to graduation; she’d died before the semester ended. The other, an ambulance on a beach. I recognized it instantly, and my heart plummeted. With a shaking hand, I bent to pick up the paper and crumpled it into a ball.

  “Enjoy your flowers, Lily.” Without anothe
r word, I stomped from the room and down the stairs, unwilling to wait for the elevator.

  She’d played me.

  Fuck her. Sam was right. What’s worse, it pissed me off that I was running away like a pussy, but I really had no choice. I had been surrounded by tabloid reporters. Anything I said or didn’t say would be used against me.

  How the hell had she put all that together so quickly? We’d only met last Friday, and it was still early Monday morning. None of this made any sense. I paused. Why would that shit even be relevant in a story about me, unless–

  No. She couldn’t have found out. Those records were sealed. As far as anyone knew, she’d just been a kid who’d made a careless mistake.

  “Xander?” Lily called after me as I made it outside. I paused, the rage inside me barely contained as I slowly turned to face her.

  “What the hell do you want now? I don’t give interviews to women I’ve fucked.”

  Lily blanched. “I deserved that,” she whispered.

  I stared at her impassively. “That’s all I needed to know.”

  “No, it really isn’t. Xander–”

  “Save it, Lily. You used me.”

  “Xander, I wasn’t going to write the story.”

  “Why don’t I believe you? My family is off limits. Period. Why do reporters always have to poke around people’s families? What is the matter with you? And… were you taking pictures in my home gym yesterday?”

  She flushed crimson. She was guilty. Why had I dismissed what I’d seen so easily? “Why did you come here today?”

  “You’ve got balls to be questioning me, Lily.”

  She folded her arms, fire flickering in her eyes. Damn, she was hot when angry. Too bad she was also a manipulative bitch. This was a waste of time.

  I’d give her one chance to resolve this. But it would be in the privacy of my house. Not in full view of countless tabloid employees.

  With a snarl of frustration, I grabbed her hand and pulled her over to my car, flinging open the passenger door. “Get in the car, Lily.”

  “I have to get back to work.”

  “Then why the fuck did you come down here?”

  She stared at me, defiant. I could hear the blood pounding in my head. This was it. She could come with me and we could sort this shit, or she could choose the job she wasn’t sure she wanted in the first place. Was it unfair of me? Absolutely, but at that moment I didn’t give a shit.

  She slowly approached me and lifted her hand, cupping my cheek. I glared at her, furious, my fists clenched at my sides. She stroked my face, her fingers skimmed over the outer shell of my ear. I leaned my face into her hand and exhaled heavily. “Get in the damn car, Lily.”

  “Listen, I wasn’t going to write the story. I mean… I was going to write it, back before we’d met. I swear, Xander, I didn’t know you when I started down this path. And then we met and you were so… I don’t know. Hot. Mysterious. The sex was incredible, for sure. And there was all that stuff with the guy from the club, and you helped me. I know we didn’t really do anything other than have sex together, but you sort of got under my skin. I care about what you think. I didn’t have the heart to go public with what I’d found. But I was stuck, Amara was going to write an article about the guy you punched Saturday night, and I told her I was already covering that in my story. I was trying to protect you from her.”

  I said nothing, just stared into her brown eyes.

  “I’m not going to lie. This article could help my career… Your past is, well, exciting. Now it has our personal spin on it, and how often does the reporter get an inside scoop like this? But…” She bit her lip. “I couldn’t do that to you, to us.”

  “Lily. Car. Now.” I pointed.

  “No, Xander. I have to go back to work. Can we talk later?”

  What?

  Something she had just said stuck out to me. What did she mean, she didn’t know me when she started writing the article? “When we met in the club, you didn’t recognize me.”

  “I did recognize you,” she whispered. “I’d been… researching your story the entire week before. I couldn’t believe my good luck when you walked in, when you approached me. I’d never been so flattered in my entire life. You actually noticed me.”

  I stared at her in silence, my blood boiling. She had played dumb. She knew who I was all along. She really had played me.

  “Please, Xander, tell me why you came here. I know it wasn’t to bring me flowers. You could have gotten those delivered if that’s all it was.”

  I sighed. “Not that it matters now, but I was trying to help you.”

  “Help me? How?”

  “I wanted you to be able to show those assholes that you didn’t need them. That you had…”

  Her face lit up. “Xander Phoenix! You came to help me make my ex jealous?”

  I cleared my throat. “Not exactly. Something like that, I guess. I just didn’t want you feeling sad and embarrassed. Now, will you please get in the car?”

  “No. I’m supposed to be working.”

  “They think you’re writing an exposé on us. Call up there and tell them you’re working on your article.”

  “That could work, except I’m not really writing one. They’ll notice.”

  I fought the urge to roll my eyes. I knew I shouldn’t try to force her to leave. It was the middle of the work day. Despite that, she had fucked up. She had delved into my personal life on false pretenses and, most damning, had never even told me. She had lied to me.

  Would I have been okay with it had she been upfront? Maybe. I had done interviews before. Had she left my family out of it, she would have had a better shot. Besides, she was just a reporter for some irrelevant rag. Her article would probably appear alongside one claiming Michael Phelps was from Mars, had green skin, and wore a human suit to blend in.

  I grabbed her and pulled her close, kissing her, forcing my tongue into her mouth. I poured all my feelings of fury, passion, and confusion into that kiss, trying to put everything on display. This was it. If she wouldn’t come with me, we were done. No compromise. I released her and backed away, trying to catch my breath. I waited in silence for her decision.

  We stared at each other like a couple of fools. What was she thinking? Fuck this. Time was up. Pay or play time. I opened my mouth, but she cut me off with a wave of her hand. She drew herself up to her full height.

  “Goodbye, Xander. Thanks for everything. I had a great time this weekend.” She held out her hand for me to shake.

  What? She was the one who had fucked up, yet she was giving me the brush-off? And offering me nothing but a handshake. Rage coursed through my body, and it was all I could do to maintain my outward calm.

  “Lily. The pleasure was mine.” Ignoring her hand, I got into the car. I glanced back at her as I punched the bright red button for the ignition, but she was already walking back into her building.

  Goodbye, Lily. Pain lanced through my heart, replacing the fury. None of that was how I’d expected this to go.

  Chapter Twelve

  “No, no, no! What the hell is the matter with you, Phoenix?” Sam’s voice echoed in the expanse of my gym. It had been four long weeks. I tried to throw myself into my gymnastics, preparing for a major qualifying event coming up next week right here in Orlando, but my heart wasn’t in it… and Sam knew it.

  “Sorry, Sam.” My voice was lackluster, strained. Sam ran his hands through his hair.

  “Where did your focus go? Tell me you aren’t still mooning over that girl. It’s been a month! Let it fucking go already. Your positioning is sloppy. Your landings are terrible. You’re not even going to be a contender for the next Olympics if you don’t snap out of this shit.”

  He was right and I knew it. Gymnastics was my first love… but all I could focus on were soft curves and crimson lips. They haunted my memory. The image of Lily, her hand held out for me to shake in farewell.

  The ultimate cold shoulder.

  She’d invaded my dre
ams as well, as recently as last night. It started out the same as always: the reporter with auburn hair and green eyes. She stood naked before me, unashamed and stunning. As I reached for her, though, her irises darkened to brown. Her body and face thinned out and her hair lightened to dirty blonde. Lily glared up at me, then turned and walked away. I had dreamed of her walking away from me countless times since that horrible Monday. I was bone-tired. Was it any wonder I couldn’t focus?

  “Alexander!”

  Shit. I realized Sam had been talking this whole time. My mind had wandered. “What?” I snapped.

  “What the fuck is your problem?”

  I shrugged.

  “You’ve been a mess since your drug scare. You’ve lost your edge, man. What the hell am I here for?”

  “I’m fine.”

  “You’re not fine.”

  “Leave it, Sam.”

  “Tell me what the hell your problem is and I’ll consider it.”

  “I said fucking leave it,” I snarled.

  “There we go. There is some of the fire we’ve been lacking. It’s her, isn’t it? That woman that got drugged. She messed you up big time.”

  “Leave her out of this.”

  “What I don’t understand is how she got under your skin. What was so special about her? You’ve been with countless others and never thought twice about them.”

  A fair question. The fight went out of me, and I slumped onto the mat. “She was the first one I sort of cared about, and she was the first to tell me no. To turn her back on me.”

  “Dude, you sound like a chick. Snap out of it and get your shit together. Now.”

  “Don’t you think I want to?”

  “Let’s call it for tonight. God knows we’re not doing any good here. Relax and get your act together. Then, we’ll try this again. Also, no booze. No women. I’m not kidding. You’re screwed up enough and you have a qualifier.”

  I nodded. Sam grabbed his stuff and left me in the silence of my house. I contemplated what to do. Sam said no booze or women, but already I was considering how both of those things might improve my general outlook. It was Saturday, but too early to hit a club. I needed to clear my head. I could go for a run, but the Orlando humidity was stifling. I picked up my cell and checked my weather app. Not too bad. I’d try it. I laced up my running shoes and headed out.